Pick Me, Pick Me!!!

So I just picked up a newspaper today for the first time in a few weeks, and found out I am one of three nominees for the FedEx Air Player of the Week since I played so super awesomely last Sunday. The other two nominees are J.P. Losman, who I have never heard of (I think they just made that name up or something), and Peyton Manning, who I don't think should win since his sister Connie keeps emailing me to yell at me about her lazy brother Cooper, whatever.

Anyways, the paper said I set career highs in completions, attempts and yards, completing 29 of 44 passes for 339 yards. Also, I threw for two touchdowns had a passer rating of 104.3. Now, I have no idea what any of that means, but I think if I win then I get free FedEx stuff, like free bubble-wrap! How sweet is that?!? They will probably give me a whole roll of bubble-wrap, then I can wrap myself in it and when I fall down my stairs it won't hurt anymore. Plus, I can pop as much of it as I want and not have to cry when it runs out, cause it won’t run out. Maybe I'll wrap my head in it and use it as a helmet on Sunday, which just happens to be Christmas Eve. I think Santa should come to the game and give me the bubble-wrap, that would be cool. I could pet his reindeer, Rudolph has the glowing nose you know. And I could get to ride in his sleigh and have all the presents to myself. I would make my Christmas wish be that Tank Johnson not go to jail, and that the person who shot his friend have to die in hell. I miss Tank, and his sweet, sweet cookies.

Okay, well I have to go and vote for the FedEx Air Player of the Week (http://www.nfl.com/partners/fedex) and finish my chocolate milk before it gets warm.

Byeeee,

Rex

So I just found out that my friend, and defensive tackle, Tank Johnson was charged yesterday with six counts of possession of a firearm without a gun owner identification card after police found six guns in his house. Well, I think if the government calls you "Tank" then your supposed to have a gun, right? In the army, all of their tanks have guns, and I don’t think they even know how to play football! Anyway, I think the police should just let him go. I mean, how much trouble can one person do with a gun? Plus, he is really nice, and makes the best peanut butter cookies I have ever had, seriously. That is probably why he carries a gun, because so many people probably try to steal his peanut butter cookie recipe. Do you think they could make a gun that shoots peanut butter cookies? That would be a great gift for Tank, cause then he could shoot all the people that try to steal his peanut butter cookie recipe, and they will have cookies, and they will not bother Tank anymore. Do you know, that in England they call cookies crackers? What do you think they call crackers then? Oh, by the way, I talked to some of the guys and they said that if we win the superbowl that we can't do a dance to Clay Aiken's song "Invisible", but I haven't shown them the dance routine I made up (I know, I made it up really fast, but its really good). Once they see it they will be like, "oh wow, that is super cool!" and then we'll do it, together. Alright, I have to go, my hot pocket is ready! Hot pockets are the best dinner EVER!

Stay warm,

Rex

NFL hates old people

You probably have heard about the NFL take a player to school program. Well I got this email from Kyle Orton who got it from a fan that was trying to bring Kyle to his school. Everyone knows that Kyle loves to drink and sometimes he throws up in my driveway, but this email is disturbing because they turned this fan down because of his age. Don’t they know you are NOT suppose to discriminate against people’s age?!?!?!? Anyways here is the pathetic response from the NFL:

Dear Mr. Brash Thank you for your interest and participation in the NFL's "Take
a player to School" sweepstakes. We regret to inform you that you and your
request have been deemed ineligible. The contest is reserved for children 6-13
who have an interest in bringing their favorite NFL player to their school. Your
request to have Kyle Orton of the Chicago Bears come to the University of
Illinois to, in your words: "Drink a ton of beer and get completely obliterated"
has been denied. Due to the nature of your request we have ruled that you are
older than the stated age limit and that your specific request is against all
the moral values for which the NFL stands. Thank you for your interest and we
hope you continue to support the NFL and your community.
Sincerely,
NFL
Properties LLC and Marden-Kane Inc.

I think the NFL hates old people!

WOW!!!!!11111111

Ok WOW! That game was AWESOME!!! I think I owe it all to my old coach from freshman year at Florida. You know Coach Spurrier. So I got a call from him both before the game and at halftime. Before the game he told me that he also was pretty sucky in the NFL and that I shouldn't worry about it too much. He told me to have fun and pretend that I was back at Florida in the sun. He said that even though it is cold in the Midwest that the dome in St. Louis (I think that is German) is warm like Florida. I was so happy to hear from him that I got choked up. Well Kyle and I are going to see if they can open up the observation deck in the arch (I totally found out you can ride up that). I am the most excited I have ever been!!!!!!!!!!!!

Halftime - 7,208% better

We are winning by one point and I haven't thrown a single interception. YAY!!!

My passer rating is 7,208% better today than it was last week.

Coach Smith is talking about getting more points or something right now (blah blah blah). I think I forgot to tell you that I got the new special edition pirates of the Caribbean dvd. It is totally awesome and Johnny Depp is the coolest pirate EVER!!! even better than that guy in Dodgeball (sweet movie).

Ok Coach smith says I have to go. see you guys later.

bye
Rex

Gmae Time

Hey everyone I am so excited for the game tonight. I know I am going to do well if I follow my three steps. I have to run off to the field but I promise to give everyone a half time report so make sure to check back here right after halftime and I will update you with what is going on.

Toodles,
Rex

Santa came early!

Oh snap, I almost forgot! This morning when I woke up, there was an early present under the mini-Christmas tree in my hotel room (I always bring a mini-tree with me to the hotels I stay in around this time of year so Santa knows where to put my presents if I am not at home). I am super pumped to wear it tonight vs. the Rams. I think it will give me super quarterback powers like "punky QB" Jim McMahon (he won a Superbowl). If we win the Superbowl I hope we get to do a dance, but not the Superbowl Shuffle, maybe a dance to "Invisible" by my idol, Clay Aiken, that song always makes ME want to dance!

smell

Hey, the people in St Luis smell funny. It is a weird kind of smell, sort of like bologna and dirt. Anyways, Kyle showed me this picture the other day. I think he is jealous and wants to be the starting QB again). I was wondering how come I have never seen a picture like this for me, but it must be because my name is too long and it would require too many people and you would need a wide angle lens.

I hope I can triple my passer rating tonight!!!

rEX

Tony Romo and some sort of oil.

So I was watching the Saints and the Cowboys play tonight so I could watch Tony Romo play because everyone is saying that he is some sort of a good all around QB or something. At the end of the game Mr. Michaels and Mr. Madden were saying something about oil and I heard my name and Tony's name. I would just like to state for the record that I have no clue what he is talking about. I believe the brand of oil was "anointing oil." He said that I was covered in it in September. Well I know it was a warm September but I really only cover myself in oil when I am sunbathing like at spring break in Cancun. The thing I like about playing football is that it does not interfere with Spring Break plans. I LOVE Spring Break. Kyle and I were thinking that we should go to Cozumel in 2007 for Spring Break. It is so much nicer going to Spring Break now because even though we made money in college for playing football, we make a TON more now. Rum Runners for everyone!!!! LOL!!!

Well it is near my bedtime now and I think I should snuggle into my hotel bed (it is TOTALLY a king sized bed) and watch the movie Cars on On-Demand. I do miss my bed at home, but the Hilton here in St. Louis is pretty sweet. There is a Sports Bar that has a pool table (that is where Kyle and I watched the game tonight). They also had this video hunting game with a fake shotgun that I played but I didn't like it all that much. It reminded me of the reason I didn't like the movie Bambi and I got sad :'(

I am looking forward to waking up to my room service (I'm getting Fruit Loops since I am at home and I can 'sneak' sugar cereal). It might give me a sugar rush but no one is here to stop me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111

It is cold here in St. Louis but we play in a dome. How cool is that?!?!? There is a big arch thing out my window here too. It is neat but the line was too long today so I could not ride up to the top.



Goonight friends!!! Cheer for Number 8 tomorrow!!!!!! HUGS!!!!!

I figured it out!!! YAY

I figured out why I have ONLY been outperforming Cooper Manning, and it isn’t just because he is lazy!!!!! There are three things that I have to do to get my mojo back (I love Austin Powers that is probably one of my most favorite moves EVER!!!!). Larry Mayer (I also love John Mayer) wrote an article about me where he explains everything. Check it out here

The fourth-year pro believes that the solution is to simply relax, have fun and
just play football. Don’t over-think or make things too complicated. Just
read
and react.

Basically here are the three things I need to do:
Simply Relax
Have Fun
Just play football

BTW I came up with these three things last night when I was watching the Office (totally awesome show).

Ok lets break down each one individually.

1. Simply Relax
Remember last week when I completed 6 of 19 passes and threw 3 interceptions. Well…..I wasn’t relaxed at all. In fact I was like TOTALLY stressed out the entire game. I was talking with my new friend Todd last night and he suggested that we enroll in yoga classes together. We have a class tonight, I will let you know how it turns out (eeek). This should help me relax during the game!

2. Have Fun
I love playing football for the Chicago Bears but I don’t have any fun when the fans boo me. I know most of them are as drunk as Kyle on a Friday night but it still hurts my feelings and makes playing not fun at all. Well, this week we are playing in Saint Louis and that is in a totally different state so I shouldn’t have to worry about that.

3. Just play football
Remember when we played the Patriots and it was REALLY loud and I dropped the snap from Pro Bowl center Olin Kreutz on the 6th yard line, well that is not playing football. That is actually soccer because once I put the ball on the field everyone was trying to kick it just like it was the World Cup or something. This week I will focus on playing football and not soccer or any other sport that isn’t football. And I am not trying to say other sports are bad, I like country line dancing, but I think it will help our team if I only play football during the game.

I know that if I can do these three things I should be able to at least double, maybe triple, my passer rating from last week.

Sorry for the long post but I am excited about my new strategy,
Rex

p.s. I loved the article but there was one small fact he got wrong

Grossman’s anemic 1.3 passer rating in last Sunday’s 23-13 division-clinching
victory over the Minnesota Vikings was the lowest by a winning quarterback in
the NFL in 35 years.

I am NOT anemic, I have never made myself throw up on purpose, that is just gross. Get your facts right next time, LARRY!!!!!

I heart the Northwestern University Dorms

We got totally hammered last night and my head hurts and I just woke up and I think Orton puked in my driveway AGAIN! We didn’t have practice so Kyle Orton came over, I put on my best blue shirt with horizontal stripes and we headed out to hang out in the Northwestern University dorms in Evanston. Talk about wild!!!!! I have included one of the pics that we took last night. I can’t remember everything that happened but we were mostly just hanging out and listening to some Clay Akins. Kyle was making everyone take shots of Jagermister. Someone had some balloons and we were trying to breathe in the air to make our voices sound high but it really didn’t work???? My head did start to feel funny and then it got dark in the room. We were laughing so much I think I pulled my hamstring (again). You can tell by the picture that I am totally out of it. The guy on the left, his name is Todd and he kept trying to touch my hand. I guess he wanted to feel the throwing arm of the greatest bears QB EVER!!!!!! Todd was really nice and he even said that I could crash in his dorm room next time if Kyle didn’t come with. He and I talked all night; he is studying chemistry or something kool like that. He seemed interested in my tourism degree and even joked about going on vacation together in the off-season…. At least I thought he was joking (te he). He was wearing a totally funny shirt that you would be able to see if THAT GIRL WASN’T IN THE WAY!!!!

Ok I have to go sober up now

XOXO
Rex

Eat Me Connie....whatever

Last Saturday a woman by the name of “Connie” left a comment asking for an apology to this post and here is what she said:

Connie said...
That was a very rude comment to say about Cooper Manning. It is due to a
medical condition that he isn't playing on a football team today. This is a
known fact! I think you owe him & his family an apoligy! Why the cheap shot?
It's just as easy to be nice as it is dirty.

Well I think Cooper Manning is LAZY and UGLY and I have a passer rating higher than him so he can eat me. In fact his whole family can eat me and so can all Colts and Giants fans. He made up this imaginary “medical problem” just because he sucked at football so much. He is too afraid to show his family that he is washed up like his brother Payton who couldn’t find his way out of a wet paper bag.

Oh and BTW Connie, there is no “I” in team or in APOLOGY! LOL LOOSER!!!!!!

p.s. Eat me Connie

51% of Chicago luvs me

And I LUV 51% of Chicago right back

http://www.suntimes.com/sports/football/bears/161371,CST-SPT-vote06.article

In an upset of fairly significant proportions, Bears fans voted by the
slightest of margins in a Sun-Times blog poll to keep Rex Grossman starting
ahead of Brian Griese at QB. Similar polls by Fox-32 and ESPN substantially
favored Griese.

Cartoons are my FAV!!!!

Hear about my weekend?

So I am sure all of you heard about this past weekend. In case you missed it, let me tell you, Clay Aiken ROCKED!!! I had a super time at the concert, and while I didn’t get to sing on stage, I did go BACKSTAGE (yeah, you heard me) and meet him. OMG, he was so cool. He signed my "I'm Aiken for Clay" sweatshirt and gave me a "Clay Rocks" temporary tattoo, which looked awesome on my arm, Clay even said so. I went out after the show with a bunch of my friends and we just partied like rock stars, it was the best night ever!

The next day I got up early and jumped in the shower so I could get to the stadium and show all the guys my new "tat" (that’s what cool people call tattoos). But when I got out of the shower my "tat" was gone, how weird. Oh well, I'll have his autograph on my sweatshirt 4-ever!!!

Oh, and we won our game yesterday too! Someone told me we clinched the division. I totally don’t know what that means, but hopefully it means that we don't have to play at home anymore for the playoffs. It was COLD on Sunday, brrrrrrr. They should put hot chocolate in those big gatorade coolers, so when we win and they pour it all over the coaches it would warm them up. I am going to call the NFL Commissioner right now and tell him my idea (and about the Clay Aiken concert, of course!).

Adios (that’s Italian for goodbye),

Rex

My NFL career?

Someone sent me this picture and described it as my "NFL career". Does this make sense to any of you because I am TOTALLY confused?!?!?!?!? If you have any ideas leave me a comment.

Tootles,

REX

1.6 better than McNabb

Hey Guys,

Check out this picture. The Chicago Tribune took this picture of me during the 3rd quarter, God I love playing in the NFL!!!! This was right after I threw my 3rd interception and at this point in the game I actually had the same number of interceptions as I did completions. Some of the fans were not very nice and they kept booing me but it was REALLY cold out and the Vikings defensive line was not very nice to me. I found out that my passer rating for the game was 1.3 which was higher than Donovan McNabb’s so I think Coach Smith will still start me next week. I am not sure who we are playing but I think it is on Monday night so everyone in the country (with cable) will be able to see my skilz.

REX

Game Day

Today is game day!!!! YAY!!!!! I am totally excited to play football. OMG it is really cold outside. I better bring some long johns, eeek.

Hugs,
Rex

Question and Answer

Ok, a couple of you have asked me some questions and I will try to answer them here. Hopefully I am not too drunk from last night’s jager fest with Kyle.

Rex,

I'm happy to see you two kids had some fun last night. I bet it brought back
memories of your time with me at Florida, minus the lines of coke of course. So
Rexy, I was wondering. What's your prediction for this weekend's SEC
Championship game against the Hogs? You know, they play that game indoors too
and I can't figure out how they grow that grass in a dome either. Them people in
Georgia are so smart.

Go Gators!

Ron Zook

Ron,
I hope you are doing well, the weather in Illinois sucks compared to down south but at least they have good bars. I think they use that NASA grass in the Georgia Dome. Since NASA is located in Florida (I can’t remember where) I would have to put my money on Florida to win the SEC championship game…..not that I bet on college football……lol

I miss you,
Rex

Dear Rex,

The Bears have 19 tournovers in the last 7 weeks and you've thrown low
percentage, high risk passes very often, which has led to a few of these
turnovers because your balls haven't been thrown crisply. What are you going to
do different to your balls this week so the Vikings can't grab
them?

Sincerely,

Concerned in Austin

Concerned,

Thanks for your concern. I learned in college that having non-crisp balls can lead to interceptions but I had no idea how important the crispness of balls would be in the NFL. On Sunday I need to make sure that I throw my passes as crisp as possible. Coach Smith has been showing me this all week and Orton demonstrated last night in between shots of jager. Don’t forget that un-crisp balls aren’t the only way to loose a football game, dropping a snap from a pro-bowl center on your opponents 6 yard line doesn’t help win games either.

Go Bears!!!
-R

snowing

Holy crap I just looked outside and it is snowing like crazy!!!!!!!!

hungover

Wow am I hungover.......... Orton came over last night with a bottle of jagermeister and we watched Gray's Anatomy. We both love Derek Shepard and we think he is the best!!!!!! As you can imagine Kyle and I finished off the bottle and then watched the rest of the Cincinnati and Baltimore game. I will post later once I eat some food. I think the Bengals won but I can't remember.

(puke)

Sunday is Going to be Cold

I was just reading USA Today, and they said that a big snowstorm is coming to Chicago this weekend. I wish we had a dome like Minnesota, but I never figured out how the grass can grow in a dome, maybe they use really good fertilizer so something, its probably from NASA, whatever.

On Sunday, I think if its snowing I am going to make a snow-angle on the field when we score a defensive touchdown (after I pass an interception and Brian has to get the ball back). Brian is tall and has a really fast red car, its super-sweet.

Coach Smith (his first name is Lovie, isn't that funny!) told us yesterday that our CB Ricky Manning Jr is coming back to play with us. I like him, he's really cool. I didn’t know Archie Manning had so many kids, but they are all good at football. Well, except Cooper, I guess he's just lazy and just sits around all day, what a loser.

OMG! I just heard that Clay Aiken is performing here in Chicago tomorrow night!!! I am so getting tickets to that right now! Do you think he'll let me get up on stage and sing with him??? I would probably drop the microphone and Brian would have to come and get it back for me. Brian is super tall. Okay, I have to go, I am on hold with ticketmaster.

Toodles,

Rex