Thanks

Dear Bloomington, IN, Gator Nation, and Steve Bartman,

Thanks for your support of my play all year. I might have been a little caught up in all of the distractions down in Miami, the rain, and counting to $1,000,000 to play a good game. But I promise that I will use this bonus to buy gifts and candy for all of you.

-Rex

reader comment

An anonymous poster posted this comment today:

Hehe - How did Peyton play outside last night???? Grrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

and how did your precious bears play outside last night????

tripped, slipped, dropped, flopped, picked, sucked, and lost. maybe you should re-write your blog to reflect reality

Ok Mr. Anonymous lets talk reality!!!!! Payton Manning’s season average passer rating when he is playing indoors is 112.0. Last night his passer rating was 81.8, which is far from “Grrrrrrrrrrreat!” In fact, last week I predicted that Manning’s rating yesterday would be 23.4 points lower than his average Looks like my prediction was close but he was actually worse last night than I thought.

Now let’s look at pass completions. This is absolutely hysterical because my pass completion percentage was actually higher than Manning’s!!!!! Maybe because I don’t lick my fingers as much as he does. I was 20 for 28 (71%), while Manning was 25 for 38 (66%) in between licking his hands.

So why on earth did he get the MVP last night? I threw 2 TD passes (unfortunately one for the Colts) and he only threw one. I was the giving the Colts excellent field position by dropping several snaps from a pro bowl center. So why did he get the MVP….. Because the Roger Goodell and Archie Manning are having a homosexual affair and this forces NFL to gush about all things Manning. They even love Cooper Manning who is a lazy cripple.

Steve

The Super Bowl wasn’t as much fun as I thought it would be, but I met this really cool guy Steve!!! Steve and I pretty much hung out the entire time, we went shopping, out to dinner, and he even showed me his totally awesome apartment. We seemed to talk about everything. He use to live in Chicago but moved down to Florida a couple of years ago. He says he misses Chicago but can’t go back for some reason. Steve said that I could move in with him if I wanted and I am thinking about. He has a really great futon that I could sleep on. I really like Florida, maybe I will stay here and move in with Steve. We can be BFFs!

Sunday we play outside

Passer ratting passer rating, that’s all the press wants to talk about when my name comes up. Do any of these “reporters” bother to do any research? We all know that Captain-Licks-A-Lot is the greatest quarterback in the history of the game (yeah right). He is so wonderfully awesome that is you spell Manning is scrabble you win forever.

Anyways, all it takes is a little bit of researching to see that he is only good when he plays indoors in a nice comfortable air conditioned stadium. Did you know that they heat the stadium in Indianapolis with dead babies?

Well, I have some finger licking good news for you Payton, your passer rating outside (where god intended football to be played), isn’t all that inspiring. If any of these “reporters” would do their homework they would notice some interesting numbers. I know you think you are hot stuff because you have a passer rating of 101 this season but Miami is an outdoor stadium and you can’t play outside. And guess what, the weather reports predict that temps could be in the 50s at game time. What’s even cooler is that there is a 50% chance of rain and thunderstorms the entire day. Unfortunately for you, Prince might have to switch to a thicker warmer blouse.

Captain Licks-A-Lot, your passer rating when you play outside is actually 23.4 points lower when you play outdoors!!!!!!! That is amazingly pathetic. How come no one is asking you why you can’t play outdoors? Or asking, which Payton is going to show up, the outdoor or indoor Payton? I know you will say to your lazy brother Cooper, that all QBs in the NFL have lower passer ratings when they play outside.

GUESS WHAT, WRONG WONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! You and your cripple brother are both wrong. My passer rating this year is actually better when I play outside, probably because my parents loved me. When I play outdoors my passer rating is actually 17.9 points higher!!!!! This is why I am the greatest Bears QB ever and you are only good during the regular season when you play inside a dome.

Outdoors
Rex: 17.9 points higher
Licks-A-Lot: 23.4 points lower

You do the math

XOXOXO,
Rex

Tecmo Bowl Predictions

Just For Amanda

Amanda,
Have you ever heard of Tank Johnson? Well, he is suppose to be in jail, but just like Chuck Norris the Feds can't keep him locked up. Anyways, here is an artists rendition of Captain Licks-A-Lot getting destroyed by Tank and his fav buddy Adewale Ogunleye (big hitter the Lama).

p.s. Amanda = Connie

Frank Sinatra was right

Frank was right, Chicago is my kind of town.