Monday, August 11, 2008
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Well I have to study. It feels like I was on summer break because I didn't have to learn any new plays or even try real real hard to remember the old ones. I even got locked out of my house one night. For some reason my next door neighbor answered my door when I was trying to get the key in the door. I think he said that I was trying to get in his house, but I know he was just trying to play a prank on me.
So for dinner tonight as I am watching the Bionic Woman, I am going to have dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets with honey mustard sauce to dip it in. I can't figure out if honey mustard is mustard flavored honey or honey flavored mustard, but I LOVE the stuff. I am sure I would eat it for breakfast if I was allowed to.
Friday, October 19, 2007
I went to my Mom and Dad's (Dan) house last Sunday before the game (since I wasn't playing in the game I didn't care if I was late to the building we play in). My mom had a bunch of Halloween candy on the counter cause she just went shopping (she doesn't use Peapod like me cause she's old and doesn't know that everyone uses Peapod, even astronauts). She bought my favorite candy, charleston chews, and when she went to the bathroom I ate them all. I told her someone came in the house and stole them (so I wouldn't get yelled at for eating them all), and to make her believe it I also stole some jewelry from her bedroom so she would really think a burglar was in the house (I am going to give it back to her soon though).
Then I met some really nice policemen who let me ride in their car and play with the sirens, it was the coolest. If I wasn't a football player I would want to be a police car. I would be like the police car from Transformers movie (which was super-awesome by the way). But I would be a good guy.
Anyway, this Sunday we play the Eagles in Philly, and I am probably not going to start again since Brian "I was born during the Carter Administration" Greasy is now our starting QB. I hope he does real bad so I can be the starter again. I have been putting bleach in Kyle Orton's water so if Greasy gets hurt I'll be the only guy Lovie (hehehe, his name is still funny) can turn to. Kyle seems to like it though; he thought it was a new type of vodka.
Anyway, just didn't want any of you to think I had quit writing since I am letting Greasy play now. When you see me on TV in Philly wave to me and if I see you inside the camera I'll wave back.
Thinking of you,
Monday, October 1, 2007
Same as the old boss......
I know there are a lot of you looser Monday morning coaches out there that have been asking for Greasey to replace me for a long time. Coach Smith finally gave you your request so will you please STFU. You got exactly what you asked for and Greasey helped the Lions win on Sunday. He threw 2 interceptions in the end zone and one interception that was ran back for a TD. This would have bee another 21 points for our team, do you really think I could have been that bad even if I tried? My passer rating last season was 73.9, Greasey had a passer rating of 68.3 this game. Wow, great move armchair coaches, keep up the good work.
Aside from Greasey throwing the game away, I was able to checkout some more pigeons this week. During the 2nd Quarter there was this group of three that kept flying over our heads. Orton thought they were bats, but he doesn't understand pigeons the way I do. How did pigeons get inside a dome stadium? Do you think there is a hole somewhere that they crawl through?
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
Okay so get this: last night after our game (which I think me may have lost? – I don't know, I was too busy looking for my pigeon friends any not really paying attention to the "action" on the field…whatever) I went over to Kyle Orton's locker to see what his plans were and he was like, "oh, uh, my mom is sick, so I am just going to go see her tonight". I thought that was very nice of him, but kinda gay; so I asked Brian "I was born in the 1970's" Griese what he was up to (cause us gunslingers have to stick together) and he said, "uh, well, umm, I have to drive Kyle to his mom's house cause it's her birthday or something. No, wait, I mean, she is sick."
So I was a bit suspicious, but then I started thinking about the pigeons on the field last week and why they weren't at this game. The next thing I realized, I was the only person left in the locker room and all the lights were turned off (this happens a lot!). So I used the light from my cell phone to find my clothes, got dressed and just went home. I was going to go out, but the movie Beaches was on the USA network and I had some popcorn left, so that sealed the deal right there!
Well, a few hours ago I called Kyle to see how his mom was feeling, and he was so totally hungover! I disguised my voice to sound like Darth Vader and asked him what he did last night. He told me that he and Brian went out downtown and got smashed! WTF!?! Then he said, "Dude, we totally told Rex that my mom was sick and he bought it! That guy is so lame. Whenever we go out he keeps throwing his car keys to the wrong valet attendant, he drops drinks all over the place, and he's a crappy wing-man, he creeps all the chicks out with his constant pigeon conversations. Hey…who is this by the way?"
I was so mad at him! So I told him it was "Peapod" calling and that his groceries would be delivered in a little bit. I bet he has been waiting all day for his groceries and they're never going to come, LOL! Oh, and for the record, I only throw my keys to the wrong valet attendants like 2 or 3 times a night, and I keep dropping beers cause the bartenders hand them to me wrong!
Anyway, I have to think of something to do to get back at Brian too (its gonna be hard to top my "Peapod" idea though). Maybe I'll call his mom and tell her that Brian died of old age; or maybe I'll take his car and crash it on the Edens Expressway (like I did to get even with Lance Briggs after he tied my shoelaces together in practice one day). Anyway, I have to go, the Gummy Bears cartoon is on and I don't have this episode on Tivo.
You are my sunshine,