So I was just about to use the bathroom at Halas Hall earlier today, when I noticed all the stalls were taken. So I waited and waited for one to empty so I could go potty, but no one ever came out. Then I saw Brad Maynard enter one of the occupied stalls, I couldn't believe it! I asked him what he was doing going into a stall already full and he told me that the McCaskeys has hired a firm called Midgi-Wipes. Apparently, this firm sends midgets to your bathroom as attendants to help you potty, then wipe you. I went back to my locker and sure enough, there on my chair was a flyer explaining it all.
At first it was kinda weird having a boy-sized man stare at me while I pottied, but it was worth it. He had handi-wipes and baby powder, and even gave me a lollipop when he was done. It was the best potty I ever took (all by myself). Coach Lovie (still funny) said the midgets are out to get him, but I think he is just being paranoid. They like to sleep under his desk at night and jump out and scare him when he comes in to work in the morning. Seeing their little faces all scrunched up like monsters makes us all laugh. Lance Briggs pees himself every time they jump out of someone's locker and yell "roar". I think it’s the best invention ever and I am going to get one for my house.
Well I gotta go "release some hostages" now, so we'll chat later.
Sing a song about me,
Rex.
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