Rex Grossman........pretty much the greatest bears player EVER

Bi

2009-02-27T07:18:00.002-06:00

Good bi Chicago!!!!!!!!

Bud Billiken

2008-08-11T09:29:00.004-06:00

What a crazy-fun weekend!!!!1 I went to the Bud Billiken Parade on the South Side with my friend Tom and we had a blast. Its this huge parade in Chicago and Tom told me that it is the second largest parade in the Country. He is sooo smart he always knows things like that. Bud Biliken is this fictional character that was created to make kids go to school and get along, very amazing and I hear it works really well in Chicago Public Schools. Anyway, we hung out there all day and watched all of the amazing floats go by, everyone dancing and holllering very loudly. Forrest Whitaker was there but no Obama, who was the general marshal or whatever you call it last year. Apparently, a bunch of cars were towed and two kids got shot, but those sorts of things happen all the time in Chicago. Here is a funny movie a friend sent me;

I'm Back!!!

2007-11-14T15:52:00.000-06:00

OH MY GAWD!!!!!

Hey guys!!! I am back!!!

After spending the past couple games watching the pigeons on the sidelines (I still can't figure out how they get into dome stadiums without having tickets), I am back as your favorite QB on the Chicago Bears! I was pretty unprepared for this as you all could have seen from my dropping of the first snap that I took from cutie Olin. I think the thing that I am most excited about is not being so cold now. It is super cold sitting on that metal bench and tears are only warm the first half inch that they run down your cheeks. But now I get to turn my frown :( upside down :) LOL!!!

So in even BIGGER news, I got a cat this past weekend. I asked Lovie if I could take Mr. Tippins to the games with me. I even got him a cutie-pie new hat to wear on the sidelines. I think that Kyle can look after him since he will be cold on the bench the rest of the season. Here is a picture of Mr' Tippins that I took with my iPhone (the iPhone is RAD!!!!). He is going to stay so warm on the sidelines. He might even help Kyle stay warm. Although Kyle said he has his own secret to staying warm on the sidelines. I don't know how he can get warm by drinking all that cold water he drinks from his water bottle.

Well I have to study. It feels like I was on summer break because I didn't have to learn any new plays or even try real real hard to remember the old ones. I even got locked out of my house one night. For some reason my next door neighbor answered my door when I was trying to get the key in the door. I think he said that I was trying to get in his house, but I know he was just trying to play a prank on me.

So for dinner tonight as I am watching the Bionic Woman, I am going to have dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets with honey mustard sauce to dip it in. I can't figure out if honey mustard is mustard flavored honey or honey flavored mustard, but I LOVE the stuff. I am sure I would eat it for breakfast if I was allowed to.

Hiiiiiiiiiiii

2007-10-19T15:32:00.000-06:00

Okay so I know I haven't posted to this blog in a while and I apologize. I thought that since I wasn't the starting QB anymore that I couldn't blog anymore. But my Dad (Dan) told me it's was okay to still do it so I am doing it, cause my Dad (Dan) said I could.

I went to my Mom and Dad's (Dan) house last Sunday before the game (since I wasn't playing in the game I didn't care if I was late to the building we play in). My mom had a bunch of Halloween candy on the counter cause she just went shopping (she doesn't use Peapod like me cause she's old and doesn't know that everyone uses Peapod, even astronauts). She bought my favorite candy, charleston chews, and when she went to the bathroom I ate them all. I told her someone came in the house and stole them (so I wouldn't get yelled at for eating them all), and to make her believe it I also stole some jewelry from her bedroom so she would really think a burglar was in the house (I am going to give it back to her soon though).

Then I met some really nice policemen who let me ride in their car and play with the sirens, it was the coolest. If I wasn't a football player I would want to be a police car. I would be like the police car from Transformers movie (which was super-awesome by the way). But I would be a good guy.

Anyway, this Sunday we play the Eagles in Philly, and I am probably not going to start again since Brian "I was born during the Carter Administration" Greasy is now our starting QB. I hope he does real bad so I can be the starter again. I have been putting bleach in Kyle Orton's water so if Greasy gets hurt I'll be the only guy Lovie (hehehe, his name is still funny) can turn to. Kyle seems to like it though; he thought it was a new type of vodka.

Anyway, just didn't want any of you to think I had quit writing since I am letting Greasy play now. When you see me on TV in Philly wave to me and if I see you inside the camera I'll wave back.

Thinking of you,

Rex.

Meet the new boss.......

2007-10-01T10:33:00.000-06:00

Same as the old boss......

I know there are a lot of you looser Monday morning coaches out there that have been asking for Greasey to replace me for a long time. Coach Smith finally gave you your request so will you please STFU. You got exactly what you asked for and Greasey helped the Lions win on Sunday. He threw 2 interceptions in the end zone and one interception that was ran back for a TD. This would have bee another 21 points for our team, do you really think I could have been that bad even if I tried? My passer rating last season was 73.9, Greasey had a passer rating of 68.3 this game. Wow, great move armchair coaches, keep up the good work.

Aside from Greasey throwing the game away, I was able to checkout some more pigeons this week. During the 2nd Quarter there was this group of three that kept flying over our heads. Orton thought they were bats, but he doesn't understand pigeons the way I do. How did pigeons get inside a dome stadium? Do you think there is a hole somewhere that they crawl through?

your mom

2007-09-30T15:28:00.000-06:00

so drunk right now, me and orton did shots at half time again!!!! greasey threw more interseptions than I did today. So funny cause orton just grabbed this fat chicks ass. "I know i am fat but I use to be skinny" plus she thinks orton is perfectly shaped.

So NOT Cool!

2007-09-24T12:49:00.000-06:00

Okay so get this: last night after our game (which I think me may have lost? – I don't know, I was too busy looking for my pigeon friends any not really paying attention to the "action" on the field…whatever) I went over to Kyle Orton's locker to see what his plans were and he was like, "oh, uh, my mom is sick, so I am just going to go see her tonight". I thought that was very nice of him, but kinda gay; so I asked Brian "I was born in the 1970's" Griese what he was up to (cause us gunslingers have to stick together) and he said, "uh, well, umm, I have to drive Kyle to his mom's house cause it's her birthday or something. No, wait, I mean, she is sick."

So I was a bit suspicious, but then I started thinking about the pigeons on the field last week and why they weren't at this game. The next thing I realized, I was the only person left in the locker room and all the lights were turned off (this happens a lot!). So I used the light from my cell phone to find my clothes, got dressed and just went home. I was going to go out, but the movie Beaches was on the USA network and I had some popcorn left, so that sealed the deal right there!

Well, a few hours ago I called Kyle to see how his mom was feeling, and he was so totally hungover! I disguised my voice to sound like Darth Vader and asked him what he did last night. He told me that he and Brian went out downtown and got smashed! WTF!?! Then he said, "Dude, we totally told Rex that my mom was sick and he bought it! That guy is so lame. Whenever we go out he keeps throwing his car keys to the wrong valet attendant, he drops drinks all over the place, and he's a crappy wing-man, he creeps all the chicks out with his constant pigeon conversations. Hey…who is this by the way?"

I was so mad at him! So I told him it was "Peapod" calling and that his groceries would be delivered in a little bit. I bet he has been waiting all day for his groceries and they're never going to come, LOL! Oh, and for the record, I only throw my keys to the wrong valet attendants like 2 or 3 times a night, and I keep dropping beers cause the bartenders hand them to me wrong!

Anyway, I have to think of something to do to get back at Brian too (its gonna be hard to top my "Peapod" idea though). Maybe I'll call his mom and tell her that Brian died of old age; or maybe I'll take his car and crash it on the Edens Expressway (like I did to get even with Lance Briggs after he tied my shoelaces together in practice one day). Anyway, I have to go, the Gummy Bears cartoon is on and I don't have this episode on Tivo.

You are my sunshine,

Rex.

Tears and Fears

2007-09-21T07:40:00.000-06:00

What is that a picture of? Why its a "Pro-Bowl" QB blowing his entire team's season because he can't take a snap. Yeah everyone likes to criticize me because I have trouble holding onto snaps from Olen, but this guys went to the "Pro-Bowl." What kind of QB cries after a mistake. I am the most scrutinized QB in professional football today, millions of fans hate me and do you see me shedding a tear. No, I go about my business and do my job like a professional. Never have I cried on the field, Romo is a pansy. He is going to get destroyed like a Kennedy's liver on Christmas. Urlacher and Briggs are gonna bring a big plate of hurt to Captain Kleenex unlike anything he has seen before. Last season during Romo's "pro bowl" season he was ranked 32nd in the league in yards/game (I was 21st). The point is he is an overrated crybaby looser that is not a pro bowl QB and our defense is going to put him in his place. Goodnight Tony.

Pigeon

2007-09-17T14:44:00.000-06:00

I kept noticing pigeons on the field yesterday during the kansas city game. At first there was a family of pigeons. A mom, dad and two kid pigeons. I know that it was a mom and dad cause they kept telling their children pigeons where to go. I think they must have been looking for food or maybe a place to sleep. Maybe they thought these was a rain storm coming and they wanted to look for a house to live in so they didn't get wet. Then they decided to go somewhere else, but I am not sure where. Then two other pigeons landed on the 30 yard line. I think they must have been on a date because there was one boy and one girl. They kept flying around and chasing each other. I wonder if it was a first date? I talked to my friend Dawn this week and she said a bird pooped on her Friday night. That is really funny.

Mike Brown, my father never liked you.

2007-09-10T15:11:00.000-06:00

Dear Mike,

You are a useless waste of a professional football player and crying in the locker room in front of everyone because you hurt your knee is no way to act like a man. You should just quit the team and move back to Arizona where you can train dogs to fight each other. I hear they have a dry heat hopefully that will dry your tears when you stop crying.

You missed:
14 games in 2004
4 games in 2005
10 games in 2006
15 games in 2007

I know homeless people that go to work more often than you. Do yourself, your team and your family a favor and quietly retire from football.

Love,
Wrecks

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111

2007-05-11T09:12:00.000-06:00

The coolest thing just happened this past week. We have another awesome QB trying out for the team. He is a former, and National Champion, Florida Gator (this is me totally doing the "gator chomp" in the air right now). CHRIS LEAK IS TRYING OUT FOR THE TEAM!!!!

The more great Florida Gator QBs we have on this team the better. Kyle is getting a little nervous since he thinks he will not have me as a drinking buddy anymore, but Kyle is so totally awesome he will love hanging out with Chris.

Ok buddies, I have to run to practice and make sure Chris makes the team!

Thanks

2007-02-06T13:07:00.000-06:00

Dear Bloomington, IN, Gator Nation, and Steve Bartman,

Thanks for your support of my play all year. I might have been a little caught up in all of the distractions down in Miami, the rain, and counting to $1,000,000 to play a good game. But I promise that I will use this bonus to buy gifts and candy for all of you.

-Rex

reader comment

2007-02-05T10:14:00.000-06:00

An anonymous poster posted this comment today:

Hehe - How did Peyton play outside last night???? Grrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

and how did your precious bears play outside last night????

tripped, slipped, dropped, flopped, picked, sucked, and lost. maybe you should re-write your blog to reflect reality

Ok Mr. Anonymous lets talk reality!!!!! Payton Manning’s season average passer rating when he is playing indoors is 112.0. Last night his passer rating was 81.8, which is far from “Grrrrrrrrrrreat!” In fact, last week I predicted that Manning’s rating yesterday would be 23.4 points lower than his average Looks like my prediction was close but he was actually worse last night than I thought.

Now let’s look at pass completions. This is absolutely hysterical because my pass completion percentage was actually higher than Manning’s!!!!! Maybe because I don’t lick my fingers as much as he does. I was 20 for 28 (71%), while Manning was 25 for 38 (66%) in between licking his hands.

So why on earth did he get the MVP last night? I threw 2 TD passes (unfortunately one for the Colts) and he only threw one. I was the giving the Colts excellent field position by dropping several snaps from a pro bowl center. So why did he get the MVP….. Because the Roger Goodell and Archie Manning are having a homosexual affair and this forces NFL to gush about all things Manning. They even love Cooper Manning who is a lazy cripple.

Steve

2007-02-05T07:42:00.000-06:00

The Super Bowl wasn’t as much fun as I thought it would be, but I met this really cool guy Steve!!! Steve and I pretty much hung out the entire time, we went shopping, out to dinner, and he even showed me his totally awesome apartment. We seemed to talk about everything. He use to live in Chicago but moved down to Florida a couple of years ago. He says he misses Chicago but can’t go back for some reason. Steve said that I could move in with him if I wanted and I am thinking about. He has a really great futon that I could sleep on. I really like Florida, maybe I will stay here and move in with Steve. We can be BFFs!

Sunday we play outside

2007-02-02T12:56:00.000-06:00

Passer ratting passer rating, that’s all the press wants to talk about when my name comes up. Do any of these “reporters” bother to do any research? We all know that Captain-Licks-A-Lot is the greatest quarterback in the history of the game (yeah right). He is so wonderfully awesome that is you spell Manning is scrabble you win forever.

Anyways, all it takes is a little bit of researching to see that he is only good when he plays indoors in a nice comfortable air conditioned stadium. Did you know that they heat the stadium in Indianapolis with dead babies?

Well, I have some finger licking good news for you Payton, your passer rating outside (where god intended football to be played), isn’t all that inspiring. If any of these “reporters” would do their homework they would notice some interesting numbers. I know you think you are hot stuff because you have a passer rating of 101 this season but Miami is an outdoor stadium and you can’t play outside. And guess what, the weather reports predict that temps could be in the 50s at game time. What’s even cooler is that there is a 50% chance of rain and thunderstorms the entire day. Unfortunately for you, Prince might have to switch to a thicker warmer blouse.

Captain Licks-A-Lot, your passer rating when you play outside is actually 23.4 points lower when you play outdoors!!!!!!! That is amazingly pathetic. How come no one is asking you why you can’t play outdoors? Or asking, which Payton is going to show up, the outdoor or indoor Payton? I know you will say to your lazy brother Cooper, that all QBs in the NFL have lower passer ratings when they play outside.

GUESS WHAT, WRONG WONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! You and your cripple brother are both wrong. My passer rating this year is actually better when I play outside, probably because my parents loved me. When I play outdoors my passer rating is actually 17.9 points higher!!!!! This is why I am the greatest Bears QB ever and you are only good during the regular season when you play inside a dome.

Outdoors
Rex: 17.9 points higher
Licks-A-Lot: 23.4 points lower

You do the math

XOXOXO,
Rex

Tecmo Bowl Predictions

2007-02-02T09:31:00.001-06:00

Just For Amanda

2007-02-01T14:20:00.000-06:00

Amanda,
Have you ever heard of Tank Johnson? Well, he is suppose to be in jail, but just like Chuck Norris the Feds can't keep him locked up. Anyways, here is an artists rendition of Captain Licks-A-Lot getting destroyed by Tank and his fav buddy Adewale Ogunleye (big hitter the Lama).

p.s. Amanda = Connie

Frank Sinatra was right

2007-02-01T11:16:00.001-06:00

Frank was right, Chicago is my kind of town.

2007-02-01T11:16:00.000-06:00

Foreshadowing

2007-01-29T12:07:00.000-06:00

Foreshadowing Sunday's Game

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!

2007-01-25T12:41:00.000-06:00

Ruben Brown was just added to the Pro Bowl!!!!!! AWESOME!!!! This means we have 8 All-stars on our team this year. Ruben is our left Guard and he keeps me from getting sacked. He also does an amazing job at being a pulling guard and helped Jones score last week when we pulled Ruben. Awesome we rock, YAY!

He is no relation to the sandwich.

I guess this is special

2007-01-25T12:38:00.000-06:00

Virginia McCaskey interview

Danieal & Ricky Manning

2007-01-25T10:06:00.000-06:00

Dear Peyton,
I know that your family of Mannings gets a lot of publicity in the media and from the NFL writer guys, but we have Mannings in our family too. Our Mannings might be your cousins so you should make sure you throw to them a lot so that you don't get yelled at during the next family vacation at the lake.

I love going to the lake and I love that Chicago is right next to a lake. I wish it were summer so I could rollerblade along the lake and sit on the sand. Kyle and I like to make sand castles and spend all summer playing on the beach.

I am currently listening to Miami by Will Smith. I LOVE that song and it makes me happy that I will be able to be in a city that the Fresh Prince sang about. Kyle says that there are a lot of fun things to do in Miami. I wonder if they have a Hard Rock Cafe so I can get a t-shirt. I collect Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts.

I have to get to practice. Peyton, remember to throw to the people in your family that are still playing football, unlike your brothers and dad who will be watching from the sidelines.

Love,
ReX!

Moran you are the Best!

2007-01-24T12:39:00.000-06:00

Moran you are the Best!

Judge John Moran,

Thank you so very much for letting my friend Tank Johnson come play football with me in the Super Bowl in two weekends. I promise that we will make sure Tank doesn’t play with any real guns or fake guns. We are trying to help him get over his addiction to ammunition and marijuana. We are not saying he uses either ammunition or marijuana but we know he likes to have them around (I think it reminds him of Gary Indiana where he was born). Anyways, Judge we think you are the coolest and when we go visit President George Bush after we win the Super Bowl, I will tell him to nominate you to the Supreme Court and he will have to listen because I will be a World Champion Quarter Back.

Hugs & Kisses,
Rex

I was right because I am the BEST

2007-01-23T07:49:00.000-06:00

Last week I claimed that Dulymus wouldn’t be a threat to our amazing defense and it turns out I WAS RIGHT!!!!!! Dulymus sucked at running, he only got 18 rushing yards and his buddy Reggie Bush only rushed for 19 yards. I don’t think they like running in the cold and their coach Sean Payton isn’t very good. Hey coach, next time you play a game in Chicago in January you might want to practice outside at least once in the month leading up to the game. Check out some great game highlights below:

Super Bowl Bound

2007-01-21T17:32:00.000-06:00

OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!

We just won the game and I am in the locker room on my laptop trying to write this while I am getting covered in champagne! We are going to the Super Bowl in Miami, I can't wait. It's so cold here in Chicago I can't feel my manicured toes. The locker room is so warm and nice, my blankey is here and I have a big glass of milk, which my mom used to give me when I was cold.

So I am not sure if you know this or not, but I am ONE game away from going to Disney World!!! I hope we win cause then I get to meet Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, Pluto, and Cnderella (who is the most beautiful girl in the whole world). If I get to go I am going to cut in every line so I can ride the rides first. Lovie said he won't ride the Teacups cause they make him throw up, but I am going to make him come with me. He can throw up all he wants but its going to be FUN!!! I hope Cinderella likes me cause she is the prettiest. Do you think she'll like me, or she will like me, like me? I want to marry her cause Brian told me her brother is Clay Aiken. Which means if we get married Clay will sing at our wedding. Imagine that, a Clay-nation wedding; that would make me so hot.

Okay, gotta go now and put on my clean disney underoos, make a wish for me (that I win the Super Bowl).

I "Lovie" you all (except Connie).

Rex.

Bear down

2007-01-20T17:10:00.001-06:00

This is Bryan Griffin of the Chicago Lyric Opera!

Dulymus Jenod McAllister = 56 yards

2007-01-19T14:54:00.000-06:00

Dulymus Jenod McAllister = 56 yards

That’s the name of the Saints RB that has been overrated all year. Some people call him “Deuce” or Captain Migi-Wipe in case you haven’t heard. Well there is a dirty little secret that no one from New Orleans wants to talk about, how many games has Dulymus played in cold weather……… The answer is just one and he only got 56 YARDS that game!!!!! Some might argue that Reggie Bush will be able to pull up the slack from the fair-weather runner, but Bush himself has even less cold weather yards. This pretty much puts a hole in the roof of their “Superdome Season.” Without having running backs that can play football outside (the way God intended it) the Saints have made it mathematically impossible to win on Sunday with snow in Chicago, IL.

BTW Dulymus spelled backwards is Sumylud, either way it just doesn’t make sense.

Dulymus in Snow

2007-01-19T06:58:00.000-06:00

annadale138

Here is the Weather Report for Chicago on Sunday

Looks like it will be a little chilly and snowy for the New Orleans Saints on Sunday. Did you know that Deuce McAllister averages one yard less per carry in an outdoor stadium. Will he even know what to do in the snow? I wonder if he has ever even seen snow, he is from Mississippi, went to school in Mississippi and now lives in New Orleans. BTW his name isn't "deuce" (like what you use the migi-wipes for). His real name is Dulymus, WTF is a Dulymus? Oh and he isn’t Irish either.

I am going to make a snow angel when the saints loose in their honor.

Rex isn't a Saint, I am God.

2007-01-17T07:43:00.001-06:00

Last week I was the best Quarterback in the NFL and that is why we beat the Seahawks:

Rex “Sexy Back” Grossman 282 passing yards
Tom Brady 280 passing yards
Drew Brees passing 243 yards
Jeff Garcia passing 240 yards

I am pretty sure Sunday’s performance will put me in the hall of fame.

Coach Smith told me not to blog too much this week because he wants me to focus on the game and he doesn’t want me to say anything that would motivate the New Orleans Saints. Well, no amount of motivation is going to help the saints because they are going to LOOSE on Sunday!!!!!!! I have read the bible and I have never heard about any Saints living in 30 degree weather (most of them just wore sandals). However, if you watch Animal Planet you will clearly see that Bears thrive in that temperature. So the Saints are going to loose because they hate playing outdoors.

They are overrated like Ohio State (more on this later).

Rex

Greatest invention EVER!

2007-01-12T14:52:00.000-06:00

So I was just about to use the bathroom at Halas Hall earlier today, when I noticed all the stalls were taken. So I waited and waited for one to empty so I could go potty, but no one ever came out. Then I saw Brad Maynard enter one of the occupied stalls, I couldn't believe it! I asked him what he was doing going into a stall already full and he told me that the McCaskeys has hired a firm called Midgi-Wipes. Apparently, this firm sends midgets to your bathroom as attendants to help you potty, then wipe you. I went back to my locker and sure enough, there on my chair was a flyer explaining it all.

At first it was kinda weird having a boy-sized man stare at me while I pottied, but it was worth it. He had handi-wipes and baby powder, and even gave me a lollipop when he was done. It was the best potty I ever took (all by myself). Coach Lovie (still funny) said the midgets are out to get him, but I think he is just being paranoid. They like to sleep under his desk at night and jump out and scare him when he comes in to work in the morning. Seeing their little faces all scrunched up like monsters makes us all laugh. Lance Briggs pees himself every time they jump out of someone's locker and yell "roar". I think it’s the best invention ever and I am going to get one for my house.

Well I gotta go "release some hostages" now, so we'll chat later.

Sing a song about me,

Rex.

Fav song EVER!!!!!!

2007-01-11T12:37:00.000-06:00

I have been working really hard at practice. One of the reasons that we got blown out on NYE and me having a passer rating lower than our punter was because I wasn’t focused or prepared. These past two weeks I have been totally focused except yesterday at practice I kept singing this song. I was even singing it in the shower but Tank Johnson kept looking at me “funny.”

The real me is a Southern girl With her Levi's on and an open heart Wish I could save the world Like I was Supergirl The real me used to laugh all night Lying in the grass, just talking 'bout love But lately I've been jaded Life got so
complicated I start thinking about it Almost forgot what it was like To know when it feels right But with you I can let my hair down I can say anything crazy I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground With nothing but a T-shirt on I never felt so beautiful Baby, as I do now Now that I'm with you With you With you With you Now that I'm with you You speak and it's like a song And just like that, all my walls come down It's like a private joke Just meant for us to know I relate to you naturally Everybody else just fades away Sometimes it's hard to breathe Just knowing you found me 'Cause I start thinking about it I almost forgot what it was like To know when love feels right 'Cause with you I can let my hair down I can say anything crazy I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground With nothing but a T-shirt on I never felt so beautiful Baby, as I do now Now that I'm with you With you With you With you Come and take me Love you, save me Like nobody else Now I can be myself with you I can let my hair down I can say anything crazy I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground With nothing but a T-shirt on I never felt so beautiful Baby, as I do now Now that I'm with you I can let my hair down I can say anything crazy I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground With nothing but a T-shirt on I never felt so beautiful Baby, as I do now Now that I'm with you

Does anyone know the name of that song? It is by Jessica Simpson and it is my fav!

I'm Back

2007-01-10T11:39:00.000-06:00

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile, I have been busy trying to find out what happened on NYE. That was a totally bad game. Did you know that our Punter, Brad Maynard, actually had a higher passer rating than me. How crazy is that, I think it made Orton nervous cause he did a ton of shots after the game. Speaking of shots, what do you think of this picture of me taking a shot from the packers? Ok I gotta run we can chat later.

p.s. I am bringing Rexy back on Sunday.

Pick Me, Pick Me!!!

2006-12-19T13:56:00.000-06:00

So I just picked up a newspaper today for the first time in a few weeks, and found out I am one of three nominees for the FedEx Air Player of the Week since I played so super awesomely last Sunday. The other two nominees are J.P. Losman, who I have never heard of (I think they just made that name up or something), and Peyton Manning, who I don't think should win since his sister Connie keeps emailing me to yell at me about her lazy brother Cooper, whatever.

Anyways, the paper said I set career highs in completions, attempts and yards, completing 29 of 44 passes for 339 yards. Also, I threw for two touchdowns had a passer rating of 104.3. Now, I have no idea what any of that means, but I think if I win then I get free FedEx stuff, like free bubble-wrap! How sweet is that?!? They will probably give me a whole roll of bubble-wrap, then I can wrap myself in it and when I fall down my stairs it won't hurt anymore. Plus, I can pop as much of it as I want and not have to cry when it runs out, cause it won’t run out. Maybe I'll wrap my head in it and use it as a helmet on Sunday, which just happens to be Christmas Eve. I think Santa should come to the game and give me the bubble-wrap, that would be cool. I could pet his reindeer, Rudolph has the glowing nose you know. And I could get to ride in his sleigh and have all the presents to myself. I would make my Christmas wish be that Tank Johnson not go to jail, and that the person who shot his friend have to die in hell. I miss Tank, and his sweet, sweet cookies.

Okay, well I have to go and vote for the FedEx Air Player of the Week (http://www.nfl.com/partners/fedex) and finish my chocolate milk before it gets warm.

Byeeee,

Rex

2006-12-15T15:46:00.000-06:00

So I just found out that my friend, and defensive tackle, Tank Johnson was charged yesterday with six counts of possession of a firearm without a gun owner identification card after police found six guns in his house. Well, I think if the government calls you "Tank" then your supposed to have a gun, right? In the army, all of their tanks have guns, and I don’t think they even know how to play football! Anyway, I think the police should just let him go. I mean, how much trouble can one person do with a gun? Plus, he is really nice, and makes the best peanut butter cookies I have ever had, seriously. That is probably why he carries a gun, because so many people probably try to steal his peanut butter cookie recipe. Do you think they could make a gun that shoots peanut butter cookies? That would be a great gift for Tank, cause then he could shoot all the people that try to steal his peanut butter cookie recipe, and they will have cookies, and they will not bother Tank anymore. Do you know, that in England they call cookies crackers? What do you think they call crackers then? Oh, by the way, I talked to some of the guys and they said that if we win the superbowl that we can't do a dance to Clay Aiken's song "Invisible", but I haven't shown them the dance routine I made up (I know, I made it up really fast, but its really good). Once they see it they will be like, "oh wow, that is super cool!" and then we'll do it, together. Alright, I have to go, my hot pocket is ready! Hot pockets are the best dinner EVER!

Stay warm,

Rex

NFL hates old people

2006-12-14T09:06:00.000-06:00

You probably have heard about the NFL take a player to school program. Well I got this email from Kyle Orton who got it from a fan that was trying to bring Kyle to his school. Everyone knows that Kyle loves to drink and sometimes he throws up in my driveway, but this email is disturbing because they turned this fan down because of his age. Don’t they know you are NOT suppose to discriminate against people’s age?!?!?!? Anyways here is the pathetic response from the NFL:

Dear Mr. Brash Thank you for your interest and participation in the NFL's "Take
a player to School" sweepstakes. We regret to inform you that you and your
request have been deemed ineligible. The contest is reserved for children 6-13
who have an interest in bringing their favorite NFL player to their school. Your
request to have Kyle Orton of the Chicago Bears come to the University of
Illinois to, in your words: "Drink a ton of beer and get completely obliterated"
has been denied. Due to the nature of your request we have ruled that you are
older than the stated age limit and that your specific request is against all
the moral values for which the NFL stands. Thank you for your interest and we
hope you continue to support the NFL and your community.
Sincerely,
NFL
Properties LLC and Marden-Kane Inc.

I think the NFL hates old people!

WOW!!!!!11111111

2006-12-11T23:11:00.000-06:00

Ok WOW! That game was AWESOME!!! I think I owe it all to my old coach from freshman year at Florida. You know Coach Spurrier. So I got a call from him both before the game and at halftime. Before the game he told me that he also was pretty sucky in the NFL and that I shouldn't worry about it too much. He told me to have fun and pretend that I was back at Florida in the sun. He said that even though it is cold in the Midwest that the dome in St. Louis (I think that is German) is warm like Florida. I was so happy to hear from him that I got choked up. Well Kyle and I are going to see if they can open up the observation deck in the arch (I totally found out you can ride up that). I am the most excited I have ever been!!!!!!!!!!!!

Halftime - 7,208% better

2006-12-11T21:16:00.000-06:00

We are winning by one point and I haven't thrown a single interception. YAY!!!

My passer rating is 7,208% better today than it was last week.

Coach Smith is talking about getting more points or something right now (blah blah blah). I think I forgot to tell you that I got the new special edition pirates of the Caribbean dvd. It is totally awesome and Johnny Depp is the coolest pirate EVER!!! even better than that guy in Dodgeball (sweet movie).

Ok Coach smith says I have to go. see you guys later.

bye
Rex

Gmae Time

2006-12-11T15:36:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone I am so excited for the game tonight. I know I am going to do well if I follow my three steps. I have to run off to the field but I promise to give everyone a half time report so make sure to check back here right after halftime and I will update you with what is going on.

Toodles,
Rex

Santa came early!

2006-12-11T11:43:00.000-06:00

Oh snap, I almost forgot! This morning when I woke up, there was an early present under the mini-Christmas tree in my hotel room (I always bring a mini-tree with me to the hotels I stay in around this time of year so Santa knows where to put my presents if I am not at home). I am super pumped to wear it tonight vs. the Rams. I think it will give me super quarterback powers like "punky QB" Jim McMahon (he won a Superbowl). If we win the Superbowl I hope we get to do a dance, but not the Superbowl Shuffle, maybe a dance to "Invisible" by my idol, Clay Aiken, that song always makes ME want to dance!

smell

2006-12-11T08:19:00.000-06:00

Hey, the people in St Luis smell funny. It is a weird kind of smell, sort of like bologna and dirt. Anyways, Kyle showed me this picture the other day. I think he is jealous and wants to be the starting QB again). I was wondering how come I have never seen a picture like this for me, but it must be because my name is too long and it would require too many people and you would need a wide angle lens.

I hope I can triple my passer rating tonight!!!

rEX

Tony Romo and some sort of oil.

2006-12-10T22:33:00.000-06:00

So I was watching the Saints and the Cowboys play tonight so I could watch Tony Romo play because everyone is saying that he is some sort of a good all around QB or something. At the end of the game Mr. Michaels and Mr. Madden were saying something about oil and I heard my name and Tony's name. I would just like to state for the record that I have no clue what he is talking about. I believe the brand of oil was "anointing oil." He said that I was covered in it in September. Well I know it was a warm September but I really only cover myself in oil when I am sunbathing like at spring break in Cancun. The thing I like about playing football is that it does not interfere with Spring Break plans. I LOVE Spring Break. Kyle and I were thinking that we should go to Cozumel in 2007 for Spring Break. It is so much nicer going to Spring Break now because even though we made money in college for playing football, we make a TON more now. Rum Runners for everyone!!!! LOL!!!

Well it is near my bedtime now and I think I should snuggle into my hotel bed (it is TOTALLY a king sized bed) and watch the movie Cars on On-Demand. I do miss my bed at home, but the Hilton here in St. Louis is pretty sweet. There is a Sports Bar that has a pool table (that is where Kyle and I watched the game tonight). They also had this video hunting game with a fake shotgun that I played but I didn't like it all that much. It reminded me of the reason I didn't like the movie Bambi and I got sad :'(

I am looking forward to waking up to my room service (I'm getting Fruit Loops since I am at home and I can 'sneak' sugar cereal). It might give me a sugar rush but no one is here to stop me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111111

It is cold here in St. Louis but we play in a dome. How cool is that?!?!? There is a big arch thing out my window here too. It is neat but the line was too long today so I could not ride up to the top.

Goonight friends!!! Cheer for Number 8 tomorrow!!!!!! HUGS!!!!!

I figured it out!!! YAY

2006-12-08T12:39:00.000-06:00

I figured out why I have ONLY been outperforming Cooper Manning, and it isn’t just because he is lazy!!!!! There are three things that I have to do to get my mojo back (I love Austin Powers that is probably one of my most favorite moves EVER!!!!). Larry Mayer (I also love John Mayer) wrote an article about me where he explains everything. Check it out here

The fourth-year pro believes that the solution is to simply relax, have fun and
just play football. Don’t over-think or make things too complicated. Just
read
and react.

Basically here are the three things I need to do:
Simply Relax
Have Fun
Just play football

BTW I came up with these three things last night when I was watching the Office (totally awesome show).

Ok lets break down each one individually.

1. Simply Relax
Remember last week when I completed 6 of 19 passes and threw 3 interceptions. Well…..I wasn’t relaxed at all. In fact I was like TOTALLY stressed out the entire game. I was talking with my new friend Todd last night and he suggested that we enroll in yoga classes together. We have a class tonight, I will let you know how it turns out (eeek). This should help me relax during the game!

2. Have Fun
I love playing football for the Chicago Bears but I don’t have any fun when the fans boo me. I know most of them are as drunk as Kyle on a Friday night but it still hurts my feelings and makes playing not fun at all. Well, this week we are playing in Saint Louis and that is in a totally different state so I shouldn’t have to worry about that.

3. Just play football
Remember when we played the Patriots and it was REALLY loud and I dropped the snap from Pro Bowl center Olin Kreutz on the 6th yard line, well that is not playing football. That is actually soccer because once I put the ball on the field everyone was trying to kick it just like it was the World Cup or something. This week I will focus on playing football and not soccer or any other sport that isn’t football. And I am not trying to say other sports are bad, I like country line dancing, but I think it will help our team if I only play football during the game.

I know that if I can do these three things I should be able to at least double, maybe triple, my passer rating from last week.

Sorry for the long post but I am excited about my new strategy,
Rex

p.s. I loved the article but there was one small fact he got wrong

Grossman’s anemic 1.3 passer rating in last Sunday’s 23-13 division-clinching
victory over the Minnesota Vikings was the lowest by a winning quarterback in
the NFL in 35 years.

I am NOT anemic, I have never made myself throw up on purpose, that is just gross. Get your facts right next time, LARRY!!!!!

I heart the Northwestern University Dorms

2006-12-07T13:14:00.000-06:00

We got totally hammered last night and my head hurts and I just woke up and I think Orton puked in my driveway AGAIN! We didn’t have practice so Kyle Orton came over, I put on my best blue shirt with horizontal stripes and we headed out to hang out in the Northwestern University dorms in Evanston. Talk about wild!!!!! I have included one of the pics that we took last night. I can’t remember everything that happened but we were mostly just hanging out and listening to some Clay Akins. Kyle was making everyone take shots of Jagermister. Someone had some balloons and we were trying to breathe in the air to make our voices sound high but it really didn’t work???? My head did start to feel funny and then it got dark in the room. We were laughing so much I think I pulled my hamstring (again). You can tell by the picture that I am totally out of it. The guy on the left, his name is Todd and he kept trying to touch my hand. I guess he wanted to feel the throwing arm of the greatest bears QB EVER!!!!!! Todd was really nice and he even said that I could crash in his dorm room next time if Kyle didn’t come with. He and I talked all night; he is studying chemistry or something kool like that. He seemed interested in my tourism degree and even joked about going on vacation together in the off-season…. At least I thought he was joking (te he). He was wearing a totally funny shirt that you would be able to see if THAT GIRL WASN’T IN THE WAY!!!!

Ok I have to go sober up now

XOXO
Rex

Eat Me Connie....whatever

2006-12-06T12:31:00.000-06:00

Last Saturday a woman by the name of “Connie” left a comment asking for an apology to this post and here is what she said:

Connie said...
That was a very rude comment to say about Cooper Manning. It is due to a
medical condition that he isn't playing on a football team today. This is a
known fact! I think you owe him & his family an apoligy! Why the cheap shot?
It's just as easy to be nice as it is dirty.

Well I think Cooper Manning is LAZY and UGLY and I have a passer rating higher than him so he can eat me. In fact his whole family can eat me and so can all Colts and Giants fans. He made up this imaginary “medical problem” just because he sucked at football so much. He is too afraid to show his family that he is washed up like his brother Payton who couldn’t find his way out of a wet paper bag.

Oh and BTW Connie, there is no “I” in team or in APOLOGY! LOL LOOSER!!!!!!

p.s. Eat me Connie

51% of Chicago luvs me

2006-12-06T08:48:00.000-06:00

And I LUV 51% of Chicago right back

http://www.suntimes.com/sports/football/bears/161371,CST-SPT-vote06.article

In an upset of fairly significant proportions, Bears fans voted by the
slightest of margins in a Sun-Times blog poll to keep Rex Grossman starting
ahead of Brian Griese at QB. Similar polls by Fox-32 and ESPN substantially
favored Griese.

Cartoons are my FAV!!!!

2006-12-05T15:49:00.001-06:00

Hear about my weekend?

2006-12-04T16:05:00.000-06:00

So I am sure all of you heard about this past weekend. In case you missed it, let me tell you, Clay Aiken ROCKED!!! I had a super time at the concert, and while I didn’t get to sing on stage, I did go BACKSTAGE (yeah, you heard me) and meet him. OMG, he was so cool. He signed my "I'm Aiken for Clay" sweatshirt and gave me a "Clay Rocks" temporary tattoo, which looked awesome on my arm, Clay even said so. I went out after the show with a bunch of my friends and we just partied like rock stars, it was the best night ever!

The next day I got up early and jumped in the shower so I could get to the stadium and show all the guys my new "tat" (that’s what cool people call tattoos). But when I got out of the shower my "tat" was gone, how weird. Oh well, I'll have his autograph on my sweatshirt 4-ever!!!

Oh, and we won our game yesterday too! Someone told me we clinched the division. I totally don’t know what that means, but hopefully it means that we don't have to play at home anymore for the playoffs. It was COLD on Sunday, brrrrrrr. They should put hot chocolate in those big gatorade coolers, so when we win and they pour it all over the coaches it would warm them up. I am going to call the NFL Commissioner right now and tell him my idea (and about the Clay Aiken concert, of course!).

Adios (that’s Italian for goodbye),

Rex

My NFL career?

2006-12-04T13:22:00.000-06:00

Someone sent me this picture and described it as my "NFL career". Does this make sense to any of you because I am TOTALLY confused?!?!?!?!? If you have any ideas leave me a comment.

Tootles,

REX

1.6 better than McNabb

2006-12-04T13:06:00.000-06:00

Hey Guys,

Check out this picture. The Chicago Tribune took this picture of me during the 3rd quarter, God I love playing in the NFL!!!! This was right after I threw my 3rd interception and at this point in the game I actually had the same number of interceptions as I did completions. Some of the fans were not very nice and they kept booing me but it was REALLY cold out and the Vikings defensive line was not very nice to me. I found out that my passer rating for the game was 1.3 which was higher than Donovan McNabb’s so I think Coach Smith will still start me next week. I am not sure who we are playing but I think it is on Monday night so everyone in the country (with cable) will be able to see my skilz.

REX

Game Day

2006-12-03T10:48:00.000-06:00

Today is game day!!!! YAY!!!!! I am totally excited to play football. OMG it is really cold outside. I better bring some long johns, eeek.

Hugs,
Rex

Question and Answer

2006-12-01T13:08:00.000-06:00

Ok, a couple of you have asked me some questions and I will try to answer them here. Hopefully I am not too drunk from last night’s jager fest with Kyle.

Rex,
I'm happy to see you two kids had some fun last night. I bet it brought back
memories of your time with me at Florida, minus the lines of coke of course. So
Rexy, I was wondering. What's your prediction for this weekend's SEC
Championship game against the Hogs? You know, they play that game indoors too
and I can't figure out how they grow that grass in a dome either. Them people in
Georgia are so smart.
Go Gators!
Ron Zook

Ron,
I hope you are doing well, the weather in Illinois sucks compared to down south but at least they have good bars. I think they use that NASA grass in the Georgia Dome. Since NASA is located in Florida (I can’t remember where) I would have to put my money on Florida to win the SEC championship game…..not that I bet on college football……lol

I miss you,
Rex

Dear Rex,
The Bears have 19 tournovers in the last 7 weeks and you've thrown low
percentage, high risk passes very often, which has led to a few of these
turnovers because your balls haven't been thrown crisply. What are you going to
do different to your balls this week so the Vikings can't grab
them?
Sincerely,
Concerned in Austin

Concerned,

Thanks for your concern. I learned in college that having non-crisp balls can lead to interceptions but I had no idea how important the crispness of balls would be in the NFL. On Sunday I need to make sure that I throw my passes as crisp as possible. Coach Smith has been showing me this all week and Orton demonstrated last night in between shots of jager. Don’t forget that un-crisp balls aren’t the only way to loose a football game, dropping a snap from a pro-bowl center on your opponents 6 yard line doesn’t help win games either.

Go Bears!!!
-R

snowing

2006-12-01T10:02:00.001-06:00

Holy crap I just looked outside and it is snowing like crazy!!!!!!!!

hungover

2006-12-01T09:42:00.000-06:00

Wow am I hungover.......... Orton came over last night with a bottle of jagermeister and we watched Gray's Anatomy. We both love Derek Shepard and we think he is the best!!!!!! As you can imagine Kyle and I finished off the bottle and then watched the rest of the Cincinnati and Baltimore game. I will post later once I eat some food. I think the Bengals won but I can't remember.

(puke)

Sunday is Going to be Cold

2006-12-01T09:38:00.000-06:00

I was just reading USA Today, and they said that a big snowstorm is coming to Chicago this weekend. I wish we had a dome like Minnesota, but I never figured out how the grass can grow in a dome, maybe they use really good fertilizer so something, its probably from NASA, whatever.

On Sunday, I think if its snowing I am going to make a snow-angle on the field when we score a defensive touchdown (after I pass an interception and Brian has to get the ball back). Brian is tall and has a really fast red car, its super-sweet.

Coach Smith (his first name is Lovie, isn't that funny!) told us yesterday that our CB Ricky Manning Jr is coming back to play with us. I like him, he's really cool. I didn’t know Archie Manning had so many kids, but they are all good at football. Well, except Cooper, I guess he's just lazy and just sits around all day, what a loser.

OMG! I just heard that Clay Aiken is performing here in Chicago tomorrow night!!! I am so getting tickets to that right now! Do you think he'll let me get up on stage and sing with him??? I would probably drop the microphone and Brian would have to come and get it back for me. Brian is super tall. Okay, I have to go, I am on hold with ticketmaster.

Toodles,

Rex

Great News on the pulled groin

2006-11-30T15:35:00.000-06:00

Wow am I tired!!!! Coach Smith had us running like crazy today and he kept saying something about NOT dropping snaps. Whatever!! Anyways we just got done practicing and I wanted to let all of you know that Thomas Jones told me his groin was feeling better. I know that sounds funny and all but it could have been serious. He is probably my fav RB so I am glad he is going to play on Sunday. He even practiced with us today and he said thanks for all of your positive words.

Hugs,

Rex

Passer Rating

2006-11-30T15:15:00.000-06:00

So this cute reporter just came up to me and started talking with me about my passer rating and I tried to pretend that I knew what he was talking about, is that bad? He told me it was around 77 is that good!?!?!?

Rex

Hi

2006-11-30T14:54:00.000-06:00

OMG this is my first Blog ever!!!! Hi everyone and thanks for checking out my blog. I will try to keep you updated with everything that is going on this season. I am really busy right now but I promise to post later.

Love,
Rex

P.S. I am sooooo excited to play the vikings this week!!!!!! Does anyone know if we are playing in chicago or minnesota?